unto irrelevance

remembering to remember

2011-05-18T00:19:00.003-05:00

it's been almost three and a half ages since i've written on this blog. i spend a lot of energy thinking about stuff and half the time i write stuff like this, i question the accuracy and relevance of that which i write about, which is why i suppose this blog was aptly titled "unto irrelevance" 6+ years ago, or sometime during those six years when this blog title was likely morphed into its current state from a forgettably inferior something else.

for some reason, the word "fromage" popped into my head after finishing the last paragraph. a regrettably convenient within-browser google search let me to a link on wikipedia stating that "fromage frais" in fact literally means "fresh cheese."

i am currently consuming a soup consisting of chickpeas, spinach, almonds, and some other things, such as perhaps a cabbage of sorts. i ordered this from the restaurant next to the music venue where i work, but mistakenly asked for it to go. when i went to pick up the take-out order, the soup was packaged in a two-inch high / ten-inch diametered foil container, the same type of transport typically used for salads, pastas, or other mostly dry dishes. i did not think much of this at first or of the need for a spoon (since i planned to use a fork and drink out of the container). but when i sat down to enjoy the soup, i realized that attempting to drink directly out of such a vessel as was this would have resulted in a high likelihood of spillage all over myself and possibly nearby electronics. i then went to look for a spoon - but could only find a fork - so then succumbed to the predetermined fate of having to have the soup upon returning home. i could have walked all the way back to the front to retrieve a spoon, but there was quite a densely packed formation of concert attendees arranged in a social lattice that wouldn't have made penetrating and navigating through the crowd, (and then acquiring spoon), and then re-penetrating and re-navigating, worth the negligibly added benefit of having a spoon at that moment in time. it actually just took me about 30-45 seconds to find the correct spelling of negligibly - and again, using the regrettably accessible powers of browser embedded google search.

speaking of negligence, it is something i generally abhor.

writing in relatively long prose such as this can be refreshing and has become a lost art form for me. apart from writing occasionally extended thoughts and reflections in my antiquated non-digital leather-bound journal, i rarely compose things beyond a few paragraphs at a time anymore. alas! (and yes, also the very interjection used by one of my college courses' teaching assistants to begin their appraisal of a paper i had written and submitted as final), it feels intriguing to have just written something like this. maybe i'll re-add this blog to my facebook profile someday. just maybe.

i remember now

2007-12-30T01:20:00.000-06:00

3) i wish i could just tape everything that i watched on tv. there is just way too much ridiculous programming on all the time. especially bill walton basketball commentary - how come there is so little of his footage on youtube?

4) my laptop is now making a strange humming sound - faint, but noticeable. i wonder if this machine will last me all through college. less than 6 months until graduation. ridiculous.

ridiculouscisms

2007-12-30T01:11:00.000-06:00

i'm often at a loss for words these days. it seems quite difficult to convey in words many of my thoughts. anyhoo, here's some observations:

1) a quite offensive "tofu blows" segment on what apparently is another awesome FOX production: some late night show with scott feretsen. essentially it was one of those tangential skits that for a few minutes straight consisted of a very american man feigning to conduct interviews for his talk show. he pretty much just walked around to everyone at this tofu festival/fair and made fun of how disgusting tofu is, especially it being a byproduct of soybean fermentation. the end really put a nice cap to this ridiculous programming - he said something along the lines of "i love chinatown, i'm going to watch this bootlegged dvd and smoke some opium."

2) during The Eraser, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, which was aired over TBS (many movies of which i actually enjoy very much despite, or perhaps because of, the unnecessarily longer viewing due to commericals), contained a scene midway through the movie in which some "bad guys" were attempting to get inside the building. the scene: shot from inside, two men pushing on the door, the camera angle also revealing that in fact the doors open outwards - there were push bars on the inside of the doors, meaning that the "bad guys" should have tried pulling on the doors.

3) i can't remember the other thing i was going to write about.

trifecta

2007-08-10T02:09:00.000-05:00

the disney channel pisses me off.

poker excites me.

there is more interwoven advertising within major media channels than ever before.

WE VALUE YOU'RE INPUT

2007-07-18T02:35:00.000-05:00

we = the dharma seals

topic of input = http://www.thedharmaseals.com, or http://myspace.com/thedharmaseals

spurs game 3 win = one of the biggest flukes ever

2007-06-13T12:04:00.000-05:00

did anyone just see game 3 of the nba finals, now with san antonio up 3-0 because of no-call on an obvious foul with just a few seconds left in the game and cleveland down 3?

- 5.5 seconds left, cavs down 72-75.
- lebron gets the inbounds to the right of the top of the key outside the three.
- lebron dribbles left.
- bruce bowen grabs and swats at lebron's right arm, and also hits him in the back.
- lebron subsequently rises up for a three-pointer at least three feet beyond the arc, even though there were still 3 seconds left and he had already gotten past bowen.
- NO FOUL WAS CALLED.
- ball goes up in the air.
- almost goes in.
- loose ball in air.
- buzzer sounds.

if you are like most people in this country and world and do not follow the NBA, you might be wondering why this matters. the problem is not just limited to the events of this game.

poor officiating has always been a part of all sports, but NBA basketball has possibly THE worst system of referring.

1) there have been consistently one-sided (i.e. clearly favorable towards one team) calls in numerous games throughout the playoffs. and many of them have involved the san antonio spurs, almost always on the good side of the refs.

from robert horry's incident (he checked steve nash with suns up 3 and under a minute left, amare stoudemire and boris diaw left the bench area and were both suspended for the following game 5, while horry sat out two games) to derek fisher's technical (manu ginobili essentially pushed himself into fisher and flopped to the ground, drawing a technical on fisher) to this most recent bullshit with bowen clearly fouling lebron (why the hell else would he have pulled up for a three from 25+ feet and with a few seconds still on the clock?!), the 2007 nba playoffs have been sourly tainted throughout some of the most important moments in games.

the suns pretty much got fucked over (note that duncan did not receive any penalty earlier for an earlier altercation that was interpreted as a non-fight, while horry's confrontational attitude was enough to classify the checking-nash incident as a fight) by something that was essentially determined by an opponent, robert horry. if a suns player had simply acted out earlier, then it would have needed to be a similar punishment for dunca, or the most appropriate call, no suspensions for duncan, stoudemire, and diaw. i thought at that point that the officiating could not possibly get any worse.

i was wrong. game 4 between the spurs and jazz was just a little bit more ridiculous, and irritating. ginobili essentially pushed himself off of fisher, which made it look like fisher had shouldered him. and now this no-call on a clear three-pointer.

2) the worst part of all is how everyone - fans, players, coaches, commentators alike - all just bend over and take it up the ass as the underhanded officiating in collaboration with the NBA corporation continues to perpetuate a officiating situation in which there is absolutely no questioning or challenging. say something bad about the referrees after the game? simple, get hit with a $10,000-$50,000 fine from the NBA. they recently started reviewing plays at the end of quarters to see if players actually get off shots before the buzzer, but that's not enough. that barely scratches the tainted surface.

if they're going to double-check time of release vs. the buzzer at the end of quarters, WHY THE FUCK IS NOT THERE ANY SORT OF REVIEW AT THE END OF GAMES - NBA FINAL GAMES AT THAT - REGARDING SHODDY OFFICIATING AND POSSIBLE NO-CALL SLIPS ON GAME-CHANGING FOULS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

as a waning fan of the NBA, this extreme level of censorship and totalitarianism is has been pissing me off for a long time and is just sad and hopeless at this point. lebron was clearly fouled - easily visible from game-time action and replays - but the depressing truth is that nothing, NOTHING, can be done about it. like all too many other things in this country and world, the cavs and everyone else disappointed with the ERRONEOUS NO-CALL can only continue to do just that: be disappointed.

3) a relevant but potentially tangential topic is also the accountability and reviewing of referring in the NBA. bob delaney, in his TWENTIETH year of officiating was the one who missed bowen's foul on lebron - who is over TWO-AND-A-HALF times younger than delaney. while watching some playoff action last month, my friend mentioned that NBA referrees essentially get tenure and then are nearly impossible to replace, which is almost exactly what ths case is. In this case, WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK??? does this man:

http://www.probasketballrefs.com/Default.aspx?tabid=85

look like someone who is among the most qualified to closely follow 48-minutes of high-paced NBA final action and be able to be on the fucking dot with calling that last several seconds of physical, decisive basketball? the answer should be a resounding, "FUCKING NO," if you've any level of common sense or visibility.

as a friend once stated in regards to the spurs' game 4 versus the jazz, "maybe Eva Longoria is fucking each referee before the game, or maybe Popovich has a dirty relationship with Stern, or maybe Duncan/Bowen has telepathic powers." either that/those, or the NBA is looking out for its longer-term interests and wants to extend the suspense of lebron' winning a championship for as long as possible. this might just be the motivation needed for the cavs to win the next four games a la the style in which the powned the detroit pistons. exactly.

2007-05-02T22:13:00.000-05:00

you know how in facebook you can invite like all your friends to an event by rapidly clicking through the list? well, i just did a series of random clicking clusters, including one click which was "invite all group members to this event." and after a few minutes, i stopped because it was becoming slightly annoying and quite loud in this quiet computer lab. from the facebook event guest list page: "

Showing 666 invited guests for this event.

2007-03-13T02:42:00.000-05:00

since 8:24pm tonight, i've written 36 emails. that's a lot, like 6-8 times how many i usually write each night. i think 90% of them had to do with The BIG Question. what's that you ask? this is what i say to that inquiry: http://harvard.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2251224693

vanity is vanity, for is it not vain?

2007-03-07T22:51:00.000-06:00

w
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child poverty in "perspective"

2007-02-14T16:24:00.000-06:00

so someone emailed the kirkland-list a few minutes ago outraged/shocked by this unicef report that just came out titled "Child poverty in perspective: An overview of child well-being in rich countries."

most of his outcry seemed to be aimed at the dearth of coverage of this report in U.S. journalism as opposed to its common-as-juju-bees coverage in the U.K. while absurd, this is by no means surprising. just take a few minutes to compare BBC news with NY Times. do it. NOW. or. else. you. will. continue. to. be. brainwashed. by. the. oh. so. objective. and. accurate. mainstream. press.

my initial reaction was " damn! this country is fucked up and something needs to be done about that a. s. a. p." but then a few minutes later, this initial fervor had subsided...and i've since been blogging on Blogger - another amazing digital technology brought to you by GOOGLE! GOOGILY EYES! YIPPEE!

this report is near-scandalous, but i predict that most americans will regard it with apathy. again, it's absurd but not surprising news and the reoccuring pattern in this country is that the people who are in the best position to do something for the better about this issue will likely not care enough to do anything about it besides symbolically toss out some spare change. likewise, the people - underserved children and advocacy groups - struggling to raise awareness of these issues are already stretched so thin by actively working for the cause of helping children that they don't have the time, energy, and resources to do much more than they are already doing; it doesn't matter whether or not they can or cannot anything about it.

and most everyone else is either too caught up in their own battles and/or too obsessed with maintaining/pursuing above-average super-comfortable lifestyles to in short, care.

i care, but to me, this report is still largely a red herring. you really can't put child poverty into perspective without including child poor-being in poor, poorer, and the poorest countries.

OODLES OF GOOGLE!

2007-02-14T16:19:00.000-06:00

this is pretty ridiculous. so google's owned this blogger platform since 2003. gmail is on its way towards monopolizing email, youtube is also now google owned. google is also doing a million gazillion other things, including making a huge ruckus in the digital advertising industry and e-commerce. in 100 years, maybe google will be so omnipresent that it will be synonymous with earth. or god. but you can't really see god, so all variations of google would have to be so sublime that it would be invisible. i could definitely see earth being renamed google, though. so instead of Google Earth, it'd be Google Google! Gee Golly!

thank google i will not be around in 100 years.

The Darfur Wall

2007-01-29T23:35:00.000-06:00

Dear Friends,

I'm writing to tell you about The Darfur Wall -- http://darfurwall.org -- a web site that raises money for relief in Darfur, Sudan in a unique way.

Four hundred thousand numbers cover the The Darfur Wall. Each represents a victim of genocide in Darfur, Sudan. By donating one dollar or more you can turn a number from dark gray to brilliant white and honor one lost life. 100% of donations benefit four Darfur relief organizations.

It's fast and easy to donate. Please visit The Darfur Wall -- http://darfurwall.org -- and light a number for peace.

state of the union

2007-01-23T21:18:00.002-06:00

did bush really mention dikembe mutumbo??? ? ? ? did that really just happen?

also, did anyone notice cheney's grimace-smirks when bush was talking about alternative sources of energy and moving away from oil dependence?!

in addition, how did bbc news already report on what webb said before he actually said it on LIVE national television?! i was reading bbc and thought i already missed the response, but then i turned the tv on and there was webb. glad i didn't miss it.

2007-01-08T01:07:00.000-06:00

without purpose, our lives become meaningless, left with only the means to provide sustenance.

even utopia

2007-01-03T00:15:00.000-06:00

is a perfect world really worth striving for?

even utopia can never last.

it doesn't matter

2006-12-13T03:26:00.000-06:00

it doesn't matter if you get any sleep. if you're still up at sunrise, it's an all-nighter.

count it!

9/11

2006-12-12T21:19:00.000-06:00

have we all sort of just ignored how the war in iraq was started for dubious and illegitimate reasons...? huh? what the fuck?

also, check this out about a lesser-known, more-detailed 9/11 world trade center towers collapse possibilities. the web site's a bit unorganized, but the content is fairly legit. at least more legit than the war in iraq, so it's definitely worth a gander. one of the main points of this is pointing out how ridiculous it is that even the possibility of a controlled demolition may have assisted in the collapse of the towers and building 7 has been completely ignored and refused by mainstream journalism and professional and governmental investigations of 9/11.

http://www.wtcdemolition.com/

quite unfortunate, but not news by any means. and definitely not the type of stuff media giants want to be distributing. the shady dealings between the u.s. media industry and government entities is just wayyyyyy too shady. so shady that you can't even discern what the hell is going on. it's just a bunch of shade.

there's nothing here

2006-12-09T02:57:00.000-06:00

what type of life do i want to live, and what type of person do i wish to be?

what happens when you can't answer either - not because i don't have an answer, but because i've realized that nothing will ever be right?

My Self-Efficacy

2006-11-20T01:24:00.000-06:00

This is why I like to clean and organize my room. It allows be to do even more productive things, such as this recent e-mail to my house list, affectionately known by hundreds as "kirkland-list@lists.hcs.harvard.edu":

Here are some brief updates on CollegeBoxes based on some top-notch special ops E-research i JUST did. Talk about cookies fresh out of the oven. This info you are about to read is...like reaching into the furnace to grab smoldering cupcakes! gotta get 'em while they're hot!

1. Matt DeAnthony is NOT a real person. He is not a person. Here is the evidence: http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&safe=off&q=%22Matt+DeAnthony%22&btnG=Search

- I also called both numbers, the first wasn't even him, and second had these weird static-y beeps. In case it was him, I left a message after the beep that emulated fart noises among other things.

2. Check out their awesome blog: http://collegeboxes.blogspot.com/

- Please take note of the picture of the masked man who allegedly "runs operations" and the picture of the 11.5 people collegeboxes team that includes 2 kids who appear to be under 10 (maybe they are the ones who lost the boxes because they thought the ID stickers were fruit-roll up! gotta have lots of Vitamin C!) as well as one half-person who may or may not be a part of the "team."

- Conclusion: CollegeBoxes is NOT a cohesive unit and possessess inferior-quality cohesives behind their tags. Maybe they used fruit-roll ups. Who knows?! If I were in charge, I would've definitely gone with the gusher or at least shark bites.

3. CollegeBoxes charges ridiculous prices for their storage (old news).

- Does it makes sense to charge $60 to store a small table that only cost $20 from Ikea? No, but it sure as heck makes a lot of cents! I thought monopolies only existed in as mass-produced boardgames that apparently are not that popular based on the recent kirkland-list and Gallup polls. I thought that there were only oligarchies, such as the ones controlling big media conglomerates and all the media content that's distributed through them! Gee GOLLY! These smoldering cupcakes sure are delicious!

4. Their blog still contains 0 (ZERO) comments.

- This leads me to suspect that they really did not receive all those "thank-you" notes from happy customers. They must be really good at detecting sarcasm: http://collegeboxes.blogspot.com/

- Let us not let our true voices be smothered by big media interests! Utilize the Wonders of Web 2.0 and comment away at the outrageous claims made by the fallacious facade that is college"boxes"!

- I just tried making a post, but it likely will not bypass "blog owner approval" (Here's what I tried to say, in regards to the picture of their leader: "i like the mask. it's like how your company masks the deficiencies of its supposedly top-notch services. ouch. i hope this post didn't take your company down too many notches...that is if there are still any more notches to drop. OOOOOOOOOOOOO, what now "CB"?! You just got OWNED!!!!!! Just like my friends' furniture that you still got! That's right, DON'T PRETEND LIKE U DON'T KNO WUT I MEEN!!!!!! PWNED)

Anyway, I hope all of this was somewhat enlightening. I'm almost done cleaning up my room, and if any random furniture or boxes turn up, I'll be sure to call the police. Maybe UCLA UCPD or something. Matt DeAnthony could really use a taze or fifty-eight.

--
http://www.thedharmaseals.com
http://www.zoomair.blogspot.com

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind." - Gandhi

hype or just not right?

2006-11-13T01:10:00.000-06:00

from time to time, i tend to get really worked up and passionate about certain things. but only certain things, not everything, although all things relate to these certain things to some extent. from time to time, opportunities that have the potential for me to address these certain things will arise, and it is also important to note that these potentials can differ tremendously from opportunity to opportunity. sometimes, when these two time to time situations coincide, i'll feel the urgency to act upon it in order to maximize the immediate potential.

sometimes, when this occurs, i'll realize that it might be not be worth it to pursue the realization of this potential because it's sometimes largely irrelevant to the original potential.

this happens from time to time, and often after the fact when it does.

but i could be just forgetting everything.

WHOO-HOO!

2006-10-24T23:06:00.000-05:00

...Officially 21! As of RIGHT NOW!!

Oh no? ...OH YES!

overwhelmed

2006-10-04T01:26:00.000-05:00

college is finally proving to be quite overwhelming, even though i really haven't even started doing much work yet. i think i've still spend more time buying and renting books than actually reading. a lot of stuff has really just "hit" me over the past few weeks. i think timing is the biggest motivator and culprit, timing in the sense that for juniors now, the closeness of the "real world" is suddenly creeping up behind us faster than we can run away from it.

but why should this matter now? we're barely 50% into college and now it feels like most other juniors around me have their minds moreso set on next summer's internships and post-college plans than actually focusing on personal growth and things that they're truly passionate about. while this is a huge overstatement and generalization of the harvard student body, i feel like a significant chunk of people (around 33%-50%+) are on this boat.

it seems that more and more people are willing and eager to accept traditional models and meanings of what it means to be successful. this is unfortunate, because while many people might claim to be simply exploiting existing professional systems so that they can rise quickly to a state of power where their true passions and save-the-world ideas can "be heard," the sad reality is that for most people taking this route, they are the ones who end up being exploited. and suppressed/subjugated.

one more idea: what's this huge obsession with leadership and titles? striving for the highest positions within an organization and focusing on the glamour of your "leadership" really only reflects how shallow and selfish your notions of leadership are...being the president of a business club might sound great to people reading your resume, but it more often than not doesn't mean or do diddly squat for the students in college community for two reasons: 1) you're essentially preaching pro-business and pro-profit values and mentalities and 2) these values are then cultivated in students who "don't know what they want to do but know that they want to make a difference," thereby reducing the business club and its leadership to the perfect puppet portal to the greedy and selfish pro-profit business world.

you might be wondering now, then what's true or genuine leadership? i can't really give you a straight up answer, but for starters, i can tell you that genuine leadership causes you to critically think about what leadership really means and is all about. it's about actually doing things and collaborating with others to realize the power of working together towards common goals and positive change. more importantly, it's about taking the initiative and having the courage to not blindly follow and glorify the value systems imprinted upon society by big business.

ironic or sardonic?

2006-09-13T00:40:00.000-05:00

so the Noxzema daily cream cleanser i just started using happens to have a Noxious odor...ironic, eh?

in other thoughts...what is the world and this country coming to amidst rapidly growing populations and increasingly Internet-based lives?

uh-oh

2006-09-01T23:02:00.000-05:00

although i'm not completely surprised that the U.S. lost in the semifinals, i'm still shocked. what the FUCI<.

i think i have a gambling problem. either that or a problem with gambling that i can't quite seem to figure out.

time for a new post!

2006-08-27T00:56:00.000-05:00

so it's been almost another month gone by and i still haven't posted. even worse, my rate of physical journal entries has also been decreasing and inconsistent.

currently listening to: pink floyd, random thoughts in my head, ambient noise.

i've got some pretty bad lower back problems that have more or less persisted over the past several years. it has probably everything to do with my inconsistent and generally less-than-ideal posture as well as my overall inflexibility and lower-backed-up anger.

what's the deal with that yo?! what's the deal with everything?!

being at home is nice cause i finally have a consistent place to rest and somewhat consistent schedule to follow. but the downside is that whenever i'm at home, i end up spending most of time tending to trivial issues and problems. it's more annoying than anything, but WHATEVERRRRRRR.

summer's way too short, but i guess that's the way things are in the four-seasonal new england region of the country and world. it's actually quite nice, just strange when leaves are already starting to turn colors when it's still august, aka, only 67% of the way through summer.

been listening to a lot of Broken Social Scene lately, their album "You Forgot It In People" is INCREDIBLE. LISTEN TO IT ASAP. especially track 7: "anthems for a seventeen year-old girl." the texture and aura of their sound is amazing.

ok, this blogging thing sucks cause no one's gonna read it and even if you do, whoop-tea-DO.

stupid

2006-08-03T22:19:00.000-05:00

Q: Why is lemon afraid of salt?

A: Because salt shot lime.

pissed off

2006-07-24T03:23:00.000-05:00

i'm pissed off. i seriously mean it too. i haven't been this mad, frustrated, and angry in a while. but don't worry, i'm not mad at anyone or anything in particular, just pretty much completely fed up with how a lot of things happen to be in this world.

first off, what the fuck is wrong with whoever the hell is responsible for any violence and war in this world?! what things are so important that we need to trample through hundreds of lives on a daily basis? children, women, and men are wrecklessly killed, and for what? power? r.e.s.p.e.c.t.? establishing a message? nothing is acceptable when people are dying as "unintended" consequences. right, bombs and guns are meant to scare, not kill people. for christ's sake, will the people in power think of the CHILDREN? and SPARE them of all this fire and chaos?! how much more optimism can we possibly have in the future when more than half of this world's children grow up amidst heavy violence and complete confusion?!

and will the people in power please stand up? will the real people in power please stand up? again, i repeat, will all the irresponsible, violence-perpetuating leaders in this world please stand up so i can personally bitch-slap and STAB ALL YOU MOTHERFUCKERS IN YOUR HEARTS?! maybe then you'll feel 0.5% of the pain and suffering of our children...but wait, that would be pointless cause most of you are pretty heartless already. i guess i'll just have to stab you all in the livers then, you disgusting pieces of horse shit. right. but who am i kidding, that's never going to happen and an eye for an eye does make the whole world that much more blind, even if the people being blinded are already blind to the unnecessary amounts of pain and suffering caused by their lack of responsibility and accountability.

FUCK, HARVARD's a great place and all, but for all its truth and greatness, there's probably just as much if not more bullshit and not-so-greatness. for now, i'll just address leadership, since that seems to be somewhat a main theme to this piece of writing. yes, i did recently change my blog title to this: a fortune cookie once read, "a leader is powerful to the degree he (or she) empowers others." true, true, true, and infinitely more true than the oh so genuine leadership embodied by a number of leaders and organizations on campus. first off, the leadership institute at harvard college = complete horse's shit. again, not talking about the people, but just referring to the unfortunate fact that it exists in the form that it currently is. you know what? fuck it, i'll significantly spare for now the lihc and its presidents forum (a.k.a. - let's gather primarily the campus's top athletic and social club leaders and bask in all our power and wealth).

but i will say this, leadership, (at least the kind our denigrating society and world needs), is empowering and leading the masses in a socially responsible and beneficial manner. being a leader does not simply mean having a following or subordinates - that would just make you an idol or superior. ok fine, for you stubborn leaders out there, anyone looked up to or followed by anyone, even him or herself, is a leader. FINE. but accept the reality that defining a leader as simply such also dangerously accepts the basis of leadership as not necessarily including social responsibility. in fact, it probably promotes socially IRresponsible leadership because any person who is unwilling to accept social responsibility as a leader is probably apathetic and oblivious to the prevalent and profound problems plaguing the public interest and our society.

okay...i seem to have lost a big chunk of my mean streak for now, but if you're still remotely wondering what possibly might have caused this e-tirade, just read chapter one of robert w. mcchesney's book, the problem of the media. and yes, there is a problem with media in the u.s. and it might even be an understatement to say that the media is the problem.

spread peace not peanut butter. or blood.

whoops

2006-07-18T00:29:00.000-05:00

so i'm a few hours late on this posting but oh well. i tend to forget things quite often. been watching lots of tv and listening to lots of music lately. it's been swell. played some basketball and swam today. swimmed sounds more proper but i don't believe it is. still trying to figure lots of stuff out, but summer's going well. been to many places and been traveling quite a bit. currently in champaign, illinois...for a while too. it's very nice and peaceful out here. not very many places are very peaceful. there's always some form of violence or unrest most everywhere in this world. why?

grandma's right

2006-07-10T02:05:00.000-05:00

sometimes you just have to worry less about everyone else and focus more on yourself.

yeah, so...it's been a while, no?

2006-07-07T00:22:00.000-05:00

after about a month of non-online-journal entries but not non-journal entries at all, i've decided to post something of though at least once every friday through monday. which should come out to at least once a week...on average. I'll also start capitalizing the start of my sentences too, which might make more easier reading. But don't think i'll be capitalizing all my i's since that might be asking just a little too much, or perhaps not enough, but alas! i digress.

been in chicago for the better half of a week now and it's been fairly better than any better halfs of the week that i've had all year or even in the past few years. i'm staying near the university of chicago with a good friend from home and it's been a really chill time so far. i've been downtown a number of times too, including last night to see India Arie at the Taste of Chicago concert event. it was cool. the acoustics of the temporary halfshell were not so cool being as subpar as they were, but i could imagine how polished and moving she would sound on a smoothly recorded digital track.

just got back a few minutes ago from downtown again tonight where we had some "tastes" of chicago including honey-mustard catfish and sweet potato chips (actually "sweet potato" chips, not "sweet" potato chips), and overpriced lipton green tea that was overhyped with its sweet "citrus" flavor spin ~ whoa! we also saw Train perform...let's just say if there was ever a train to not catch, Train at the Taste of Chicago would have been the one. although i have to admit, it was fairly entertaining to see a crowd (of pretty much all white people and families - essentially the opposite of the day before) dancing to and seemingly enjoying the cliche and shallow clear-channel-radio-ready 90s pop-rock that is Train.

how and why people hop abroad this train with such enthusiasm astonishes me. the lead singer was rather not-pleasant-sounding as well with more than a handful of inappropriate comments for the clearly family-filled audience. at one point he kept repeating a series events that supposedly happened earlier in the day about how this "hot girl" in another boat near his kept calling him superman, which he reasoned was because of his "hot ass." he might as well then have explained in excruciating detail to everyone how he intended to dock his boat, cause that's pretty much where it was heading before he started wailing the cacophony that was a song beginning with his lone voice about how he will be your superman and your man, but then contradicting that ten seconds later by saying that he doesn't want to be your superman, just your man, baby. or manbaby. whatever it was that he wanted to be he clearly does not really know.

anyway, i tend to criticize negative things too much so i'll just stop driving this train to the ground. Train is actually a pretty decent band if simple and comfortable alt-pop-rock is what you're looking for.

Chicago is really a beautiful and refreshing city. I really like it a lot.

after seeing India Arie last night, i stopped by The Big Downtown Chicago Bar Restaurant (which happens to seat most minorities in the more bar-oriented section) and was surprised to find myself looking out from my corner view at what was a very real moment. it's futile to explain in words and especially online, but let's just say it's rare to find a moment in which everything you see in front of you and around you just strikes you in a way that makes you realize how real and how wonderful everything is. the balance of all the imbalances stood in a less-than-perfect but very real harmony.

today, i again found another very real moment that i truly appreciated. sitting on the steps next to the front steps outside the Art Institue of Chicago, i sat with my friend as we listened to the jazz trumpeter in front of us exhale bittersweet melodies to the backdrop of an audibly portable piano jazz trio. i noticed that having trains and mostly above-ground mass transit really adds a lot to the personality of a city. up and down Michican Avenue, cars patiently drove by and people casually strode along...or so i hope at least was just not just the doing of the comfortably cool weather and leisurely summer.

the river and lake are naturally soothing as well and i always appreciate the healing wind.

what and what is

2006-05-24T18:25:00.000-05:00

when you're in college or graduating college and people ask you, "what do you want to do?", how do you understand that question?

do you think about what you want to do as in what type of profession you want to pursue or do you think about what you want to do as in WHAT IT IS that you want to accomplish?

the most important way to understand the phrase "what do you want to do?" is in manner of the latter, which focuses on what it is that you want to accomplish in life.

the profession you work is best understood as HOW you might go about achieving WHAT IT IS that you want to accomplish.

while thinking about what you want to do is necessary at times, it is infinitely more important to always be thinking about what IT is (or are) that you want to accomplish.

this is ABSURD

2006-05-10T23:42:00.000-05:00

[The following was originally sent as an e-mail to the Kirkland House list.]

hey KIRKLAND,

this is not to spawn another heated e-debate, but after reading one article and one email today, i must share my concerns. alas! lest the gods cannot cure these insouciant follies, i must be ASAP (as succinct as possible):

Two recent incidents: 1) The assault and abuse outside of lowell house following Hungama last month and 2) A few shuttle-related altercations, one of which recently led to the abrupt firing of a bus driver. There seems to be a general lack of a space or an appropriate medium to resolve these types of incidents. They're often talked about be it at meals or in passing, but even petitions and organized discussions have their limitations in a highly individualized and in-group focused community that more often than not only displays due respect and appreciation towards official and well-established entities on campus (i.e. - professors, university officials, etc.).

1) I was very surprised that there was no follow-up news or announcements about the racially/religiously-charged incident outside of lowell.

- Is this the only time that a student has experienced discomfort or harassment outside the main gates of a lowell house neighboured by the Fly and surrounded by numerous other final clubs?
- Most people upon learning about this most likely brushed it off as another series of unintended drunk actions that didn't really mean anything, but what must it come to for us to regard a physical and verbal racial/religious attack as SERIOUS? Does someone have to become injured or KILLED?!
- Many people probably also felt there was nothing they could do about the situation and that authorities would address the situation. Ladies and gentlemen, that it's been almost a month and still no updates from the crimson means that the situation has been "addressed."

2) I was very infuriated upon reading today's crimson front page, and was even more enraged when i recalled that just a few days ago, there was a prominent article about how two football players involved in this bus driver incident had been suspended for the upcoming season opener. In that article, the head coach repeatedly accused the bus driver of initiating the whole conflict.

- WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?! We all know the football head coach has very little impact on campus and that when he makes controversial accusations, there will be no ripples in this image/reputation-conscious harvard community.* We also know that all football players are very non-confrontational and that they NEVER engage in verbal disputes that verbally instigate others to respond. One of the players was also quoted to have been hit in the chin that resulted in his sunglasses falling off the top of his head - he claims he was a defenseless student.
- ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Did he actually say that and did it actually make the local press?! Boo-hoo, a student clearly unable to handle physical interactions has sunglasses knocked off his head. Well here's a news break for ya, the bus driver is a father of three, with one child in college. You and your innocent buddies who are entitled to everything (especially boarding the shuttles with grills and tables, and also alcohol as long as you remember to run straight to the back of the bus to knock out a NEMESIS) are suspended for one game that happens to be the season opener, so we'll double its value to two games. THE BUS DRIVER LOSES HIS JOB.
- Again, most people are brushing off the seriousness of this incident because it again involved people under the influence of alcohol and the absence of a SERIOUS injury or death. This article should have been titled "Bus Driver Fired Without Hearing" rather than in an adversarial manner pitting him against harvard by saying "Ousted Driver Sues Harvard."

And while we're at it, the capital of Taiwan is spelled TAIPEI. Not TEIPEI. It's a good thing most people don't notice when mistakes are made and problems go unaddressed. Or wait, maybe we do notice but just don't have the time or care to do something about it. Maybe there's actually very little we CAN do about ANYTHING here.

this is ABSURD.

*^~*EXASPERATED EXHALATION*~^*

-STEVE LIN

(*The coach makes a very immature defense of his team. It reminds me of kindergarten when when timmy calls ronnie a poopy-pee-face and then ronnie gets in trouble for pushing timmy onto the floor?!?! Usually, the consequences are fairly equal with ronnie getting time and timmy getting soap and a slap, but they both eventually apologize, right? And who usually apologizes first? Hmm...well, of course, it should be ronnie, because the incident "started" when ronnie made contact. What the heck then do we make of the COLD WAR?)

For further information, here is the article regarding the incident outside of lowell:
http://www.thecrimson.com/article.aspx?ref=512817

and here are two articles regarding the bus driver incident:
http://www.thecrimson.com/article.aspx?ref=513441
http://www.thecrimson.com/article.aspx?ref=513358

life's made up of glancing moments

2006-05-10T02:46:00.000-05:00

see?

whatever

2006-04-21T02:07:00.000-05:00

so the us authorities just detained 1,200 illegal immigrant workers...out of 11.2 million...that's barely 0.011 percent. ridiculous. they say it's a threat and sign that they're serious about the issue of illegal immigration. c'mon, you've got to be kidding me. detaining thousands of people just presents itself as a logistical quagmire and really only serves limited short-term relief with long-term hopes of decreasing illegal immigration...through the use of fear and threat. WOW.

fear and threats seem to work great huh? like with iran...fuck, threatening the development of nuclear arms with nuclear weapons or any sort of violent/military action is just stupid. it's one of the biggest hypocrisies in the world today that seems to just go without much criticism. hell, even china's got it right simply by using the word "peaceful" for once. that's one thing bush and his comrades down in d.c. have yet and likely never will piece together.

i swear, if anything close to another misguided or misdirected military strike or operation comes up, i WILL kill him with my bare hands, lest one more too many innocent civilian or child be killed or traumatized.

screw it?

2006-04-16T09:55:00.000-05:00

so it's been a while since i've posted. it's pretty amazing how much things can change in just a week or two weeks or a month, or even overnight. it's getting to about that time of year where there's only about a month of school left, yet the work and responsibilities just keep building and building. sometimes i wonder what it's all for? what difference would it make if i just gave it all up?

sometimes i feel like just giving up, and often i do give up simply because of my doubts. once you give up, if even just a little bit, you're screwed. cause then, you've already somewhat subconsciously deteremined how the future is going to turn out and how you're going to be affected by it.

never what you seem

2006-03-28T23:14:00.000-06:00

lyrics from new song - hear it on www.myspace.com/thedharmaseals

“never what you seem”

he’s got everything in all the right places
she’s got nothing just the way that he wants
she is always making all the right faces
he don’t mind how much his mind leaves behind

i don’t really care for all of your stories
you don’t really care about me at all
you don’t ever think, you’re far too caullous
i don’t ever want to see you again
no, not now

can’t even see your smile, is that a broken smile,
are you always what you seem?
can’t even see yourself, can’t even stop yourself,
are you ever what you seem?

he’s knows everyone in all the right places
she’s tired of being just another fish in the sea
you’re always trying to prove me
i don’t know how much it hurts when you’re hooked
no, i don’t

can’t even see your smile, is that a broken smile,
are you ever what you seem?
can’t even see yourself, can’t even stop yourself,
are you ever what you seem?

‘cause every day it seems that things are starting to turn around
no matter where you go you’re still surrounded by sea
nothing that you can do but just slowly drown
you tried, you tried too late, you’ll never get off the ground

’round and ‘round we go!
can’t even see your smile, is that a broken smile,
are you ever what you seem?
can’t even see yourself, can’t even stop yourself,
are you ever what you seem?

never what you seem!

it comes down to choice

2006-02-27T22:27:00.000-06:00

to sum up a long rant in a few sentences: it comes down to choice.

when you listen to the radio and your mp3s, do you realize the limited amount of choice you're given in deciding what sounds and ideas are going into your mind through your ears? most of the music we listen to in mainstream america and popular culture unfortunately reflects the deep insecurity of big record labels.

here's a short equation:

declining music industry b/c of advancing technology = insecure big record labels = the need to produce and distribute music that brings the most proven profits = very generic and very shallow sounding pop, "rock" and "rap."

unless the lyrics are significantly different than the typical and actually directly challenge our notions and identify our problems (a la weezer's new album make believe), then american music as we know it is dangerously feeding us and breeding a culture of insecurity and complacency - the very same insecurity and complacency that leads big record labels to rely on and promote this type of predominantly meaningless music in the first place.

2006-02-17T00:02:00.000-06:00

random stuff. so...i really don't know what to say. i guess there's nothing exactly that i can say that will cause anything in particular to happen. that's not how people really work. i need sleep. i have a feeling that most people i know have a pretty good idea of what it is that they want to do, be it as simple as something good and selfless or something good and selfish. people often say they don't know what they want to do, because there comes a point when people realize that it's actually much more difficult to pursue what it is that they want to do over just doing something else that is much easier to do but unfortunately puts whatever it is that they wanted to do on hold and potentially on hold forever.

overheard

2006-02-08T23:05:00.000-06:00

"...she speaks Asian..." - overheard tonight in kirkland dining hall.

an hour a day

2006-02-02T22:28:00.000-06:00

an hour well-spent with nature can make you a whole day younger.

unprecedented sensation

2006-01-24T12:49:00.000-06:00

foooooooooo. wow. finally done with all my finals...seriously, i haven't felt this much relief like ever. not last year and not even after graduating high school...if it feels this good from just three weeks of writing/studying/exams, then i really wonder what graduating is gonna be like...it's like i've been in purgatory for three weeks straight and just been miraculously resurrected. seriously. it's ridiculous. i'm going to go take a nap now and maybe play some music later. WOWOWOWWOWOWOWOWOWOWOOWOW!

agency or hegemony?

2006-01-19T00:12:00.000-06:00

it's been raining and very humid all day. i think i picked the wrong day to completely air dry all my clothes.

five words

2006-01-17T01:43:00.000-06:00

about to "edit" 5,112 words for a final paper due in nine hours and just came across five words that made my night: "YOU WIN 1-LITER COKE PRODUCT," that and i also just found a slice of pizza in the basement. tonight, luck is on my side (fingers crossed).

light-up shoes

2006-01-08T00:43:00.000-06:00

remember those light-up shoes? those sweet l.a. gear velco-clasp sneakers that double as intimidating cross-trainers sure to bring you victory in any sport?! well, yeah, i've been half-heartedly searching for these shoes (among other equally important things) in sizes that actually fit me, but it's been a disappointing half decade people. if anyone, ANYONE, has ANY word on where i could get a pair of these shoes...i'll go get them...and then proceed to...light-up...my...world. um, yeah.

ironic or am i just completely insane?

2006-01-06T21:46:00.000-06:00

so that missy elliot song "lose control," yeah you know, the one that starts with "music make u lose control..." i actually like the song a lot cause it's really upbeat and heart-pumping and it has that really annoying treble ascension going off constantly in the background...but okay, i'm not really gonna spend time talking about the musicality of this song...

"music make u lose control." hmm, it seems that this might be a very ironic statement. because it seems moreso that (most) music keeps u from lose control...it might be more apt to say, "music make you stay controlled." there, i said it.

"music make u stay controlled," by missy etiquette

2005-12-06T04:58:00.000-06:00

no amount of time can subside the tears and bring back the years that were lost.

life is not to only seek joy but that which will guide the soul along the righteous paths of the divine.

what would you do if it were up to you?

2005-12-06T03:57:00.000-06:00

you know when you're writing an essay late into the early morning and it gets to the point where you're almost done (even though most of the essay actually really sucks) and you just don't care anymore? well, yeah, i'm pretty much there. Essentially one and a half more pages to bullshit then i'm done. unfortunately the topic is on religion, christianity and judaism to be more specific, and is actually really interesting and i do have a lot of interesting things to say and genuine interest in the subject; it's just that i'm mad behind for all the readings and at this point it's nearly impossible to write a paper that is comparable to my levels of interest and intrigue.

if the world were to come to an end in seven days, would you go crazy and do whatever the hell you wanted to do for seven days straight without regard for anything, including yourself or would you spend those seven days earnestly searching your soul?

2005-11-10T00:49:00.000-06:00

please help in any way shape or form

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/south_asia/4396698.stm

2005-11-04T18:44:00.000-06:00

if you're reading this, let me ask you a question, what are you doing with your life?

2005-11-04T17:56:00.000-06:00

just bought some 100% recycled paper and some milk tea with boba but still fucking pissed off as shit.

2005-11-01T13:05:00.000-06:00

jesus christ. i really gotta get out of here.

halloween

2005-10-27T14:41:00.000-05:00

i ate a bosch pear last night that had been sitting on top of my bookshelf for at least three weeks. needless to say, it was really soft, sweet, and delicious, but i'm saying it anyway just so i can say that i said it.

halloween costume ideas thus far:

- glowman
- glow stick dealer
- a star
- a planetarium

any inputs or suggestions?

procrastination or distractions?

2005-10-25T00:49:00.000-05:00

so i have a paper due in about 13 hours. i finally got around to starting it late this afternoon. but so far, i'm willing to say that i've spent at least two-thirds of my time "working" either checking gmail/facebook, browsing for uniball vision micro blue pens, or scouting prospects for fantasy basketball; i was very reluctant to do fantasy basketball for this very reason - first and last time i played was freshman year of high school and i won the league championship. i really put my heart, soul, and 83% of spare time/effort/energy into it. now it's just getting ridiculous.

everything is ridiculous to a certain extent.

so

2005-10-19T23:47:00.000-05:00

so i was walking to my second class of the day along a sidewalk this morning; for some reason, i had an impulse to frolick a few steps to my left - so i did; then i turn my head left and finally notice this huge shuttle bus passing me with pretty much about a foot to spare. i don't know what the hell happened, but it could've been bad. usually i'm fairly aware of my surroundings. maybe it was because i had a few hours less sleep than normal. maybe not.

sweet

2005-10-14T01:41:00.000-05:00

so today, i finally forwarded my school webmail account to gmail. there's this advocacy group out there (www.google-watch.org) that warns us about the evil roots and intended growth of google and gmail. i thought about this for a few seconds, then arrived at a satisfyingly concluding, "eh."

it's great now though because webmail used to take at least a minute or two to go from page to page. you know what this means. instead of obsessively clicking on my webmail shortcut twenty-eight times a day and gmail thirty-three times, i now check my gmail seventy-nine times a day. at least. sweet.

from a five-year-old

2005-10-13T00:08:00.000-05:00

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/4333592.stm

question of the day

2005-10-10T23:48:00.000-05:00

uh, statement of the day rather: the type of music you listen to says a lot about who you are. eh?

http://www.unicef.org - why so many disastrous tragedies recently?

lesson learned

2005-10-10T00:37:00.000-05:00

a lesson learned...or perhaps just something really stupid i did: never store edibles with soap/shampoo products in the same closed container. for several months, i've had five shrink-wrapped cinnamon altoids in the same rubbermaid container as shampoo type stuff for school use purposes. a few days ago, i opened an altoids and ate one; it tasted like cinnamon but then the taste of soap quicky took over. i left the altoids open near a window for a few days hoping it would air out.

no luck, the months of proximity between altoid and shampoo have resulted in a breach of a weak olfactory barrier of ripped shrink-wrap and non-air-tight aluminum casing by determined molecular chemical agents.

what's up...

2005-10-07T15:07:00.000-05:00

yo, what the fuck is up with all these freakin' spam comments? stop it. i mean it, STOP IT. an acorn almost cracked my laptop screen.

name game

2005-10-05T23:36:00.000-05:00

i suck at remembering things, especially names. this became especially clear tonight. i was at uno's with bandish and several other people. i was sitting across from two people i didn't know. after a few minutes of possibly awkward non-communication, i finally introduced myself. somehow, i thought their names were emily and matt. but further into the night, i realized that i was way off and that their names were actually allison and john. wow.

falling silohuettes?

2005-09-20T23:39:00.000-05:00

falling silohuettes...

finally?

2005-09-15T22:28:00.000-05:00

here at school finally, more or less so.

something's not right, something's missing.

haven't really sat down and played piano in over 5 days now.

maybe that's it.

new orleans

2005-09-03T20:44:00.000-05:00

money and help from those who can

http://www.redcross.org

prayers and compassion from the rest of us

so

2005-09-03T20:39:00.000-05:00

so my ibm thinkpad battery life has decreased significantly since i got it about a year ago. it's a 9-cell lithium ion battery, so it's supposed to have extended, usually around 4.5 hours. however, now it's more like 3 hours. i read recently about the ipod battery that people who scarely use it should nonetheless put it through at least one life/charge cycle a month to keep the chemical things moving and lasting. tonight is the first time i'm giving my thinkpad battery a "life/charge" cycle in over a lot of/too many than is good for my laptop months. wow. in other news, hmm. as my ex-gf used to say, i got nothin'.

close game

2005-09-01T18:31:00.000-05:00

phew, just beat my 11-year-old neighbor named jack in a close game of horse. i was crushing him at first, up H-O-R-S to nothing, but then he started making shots and i lost focus and soon it was tied up. but at that point i was calling the shots and on my third attempt, i chose one of my fortes - the free throw shot, (the sun was also shining through the trees making it an extra safe shot for me to win the game right then and there), needless to say, i made the shot, and he missed. talk about a close game.

shit, it's late

2005-09-01T16:40:00.000-05:00

seems to be the story of my life for the past few months. something's not right. something's always not right. there's a lot of things i'll be needing to get in order, like now. oh yeah, watched a conan re-run last night, it was hilarious nonetheless...the best part was a series of "guest appearances" on that drop down screen that freezes the guest celebrity except for the mouth - needless to say, arnold was the last guest was freakin' hilarious hahaha, laughing just thinking about it...but the show was good too, adam sandler was on and it ended with some ping-pong champ kid, they actually had a table set up, oh yeah, conan isn't too great of a host, despite his awesome personality. not that that's news or anything.

watched matrix: revolutions tonight for the first time and now understand why i put off watching it for so long. goodness.

first of september. hmph. shit, it's late.

step by step

2005-08-18T04:07:00.000-05:00

verse1

seems like just yesterday we were standing side by side

trading smiles, laughs, hi-fives and low-fives, we took it all in stride

but then the week ended and we went our separate ways

you to there, me to here, oh i wish for yesterday

for that day, that bright sun shinny day

verse2

here at home or wherever you may be we all wonder if

if there had been no yesterday would things be a little different

or even if there was a yesterday but that day was not so great

how would this day have begun, isn’t it just fate

this is today, oh it’s just another day

chorus

oh why oh why do we do the things that we do

can’t we recognize our ways and part with our sins

oh why oh why do we say the things we say

it’s the same old stories day in and day out

this is life, is this life

verse3

and you keep on telling yourself you’re gonna do this do that

but come tomorrow and next year you’re still wearing that same old hat

have things really changed all that much is what i’m asking you

what if everything’s changed for the best, then what are we left to do

keep on going, a little more better

verse4/bridge

all it takes is one small step as long as it’s front of you

and the bigger the step the better it is but just don’t forget to stretch - ooo

reach up to the sky, step out from your shell/life/body // of your shoes

it’s your life that you’re living you’ve got nothing to lose

step by step, oh step by step

word

2005-06-28T18:11:00.001-05:00

yo, whats up. blah.

beef

2005-06-12T22:45:00.000-05:00

i havent eaten much beef lately, i've even considered going vegetarian, but that just isnt gonna happen. but yeah, i've been trying to at least cut down on beef although i don't really have a reason why...maybe its because i want to strengthen my ties to my Indian/Hindu roots or maybe its because i want to take down the beef industry - man, if i never ate beef in my whole life, there would be cows EVERYWHERE...maybe i should have thought about this before i was born.

anyway, speaking of red meat and cows, my whole beef with life is this: if i were to die today
(or tomorrow), would anything that i've done matter? and should i not die today, would there even be anything that i would do that will possibly matter? i mean, even if i stopped eating beef ten years ago and died because of an iron deficiency, it would've mattered, because, being such an important person, my death would have prompted those around me to discover alternative (and better) nutritional methods that i, and other dying non-beef-eaters, that would allow us to sustain our lives and iron deficiencies.

i believe in efficiency, but i'm afraid i havent been all that efficient recently; but as a result i may A) now be more efficient, B) become even more efficient in the near future, or C) have become so deficient that simply being alive would seem to me to be the most efficient act, ever. and on this note, i will now spend forty-five minutes contemplating the true extent of my efficiency awesomeness in hopes of becoming even MORE efficient than i could have ever possibly become from being possibly insufficient. now that's what i call time well spent.

2005-06-05T23:48:00.000-05:00

sometimes it seems that there is nothing that can solve anything or everything. it was 99 degress fahrenheit outside this afternoon. i had some iced coffee today.

maybe

2005-06-01T13:27:00.000-05:00

i don't know what it is - i don't know what anything is. no one does. it's so hard to keep remembering that everything happens one at a time and the only way to really stay sane is to take one step at a time, which is infinitely hard because there are infinite steps in life. what would life be like if people truly didn't care about what other people thought of them? would it still be life? ok, i'm random as horse's shit, but you should know that by now, and if you didn't know that, now you do, or maybe you still don't because you're slow or maybe just too fast.

maybe i don't need to completely let go of everything and take "time off" from the world...maybe i just need to do stuff. yes, stuff. ok that last sentence didn't come out right or smooth - sounding at all, which is highly uncharacteristic of myself - another one of those if you didn't know now you know that i'm am very clear in my communications and am smooth as a smoothie

have you ever...

2005-05-16T03:00:00.000-05:00

been in one those mindsets in which you want to do everything possible that you can and want to do, but for some reason feel hampered by the fact that you haven't been making the most of your time and efforts to do so? or have you ever felt like there is just so much shit you can do and want to do that you just don't know where or how to even start? i guess everything can be related back to taking one step at a time...which is cliche as all fuck's shit, but it works. just hope that each step is the right one, but then again, you never know and can never be so calculating, because then you just end up taking no steps and therefore steps backward was time takes its toll. i remember when i used to remember stuff and think about stuff that i remembered. it's been tough for me to do that this past year for one reason or another or more. i write weird, ya heard? word yo, i just typed a mad lot of words and pages and stuff, know what i mean? you know? ya know? of course you don't, or maybe you do, but i really could give less of a fuck cause its rhetorical...bitch. what if the world blew up tomorrow? have you ever thought of that?

2005-05-01T03:02:00.000-05:00

sometimes all you can do is take one step at a time, small steps. hopefully, the collective sum of the steps will result in forward momentum.

damn

2005-04-30T06:35:00.000-05:00

damn, i haven't wrote in over a month. uh, yeah. fuck it.

yooooooo

2005-03-26T06:11:00.000-06:00

yooooooo, its pretty late. well, its a decent hour if youre in california, which is where i will be within 24 hours. uh, yeah, see theres lots of stuff i'd like to talk and write about, i just can't remember any of it now. this post serves mainly to keep my blogging steadfast at a minimum of a weekly rate. that last sentence was grammatically weak.

just be happy

2005-03-18T03:46:00.000-06:00

it seems that many people just aren't sensitive enough of what other people are thinking and how other people are feeling. call it self-centeredness, selfishness, impatience, whatever, sometimes its as simple as objectifying subjectivity. i know, but i just can't remember.

life

2005-03-17T05:11:00.000-06:00

sometimes theres just too much time. sometimes theres just too little time. but it doesnt matter, because time is time. it never stops. and sometimes you just gotta trust in the future and go where time goes. just dont go back.

just don't give a shit

2005-03-15T05:31:00.000-06:00

maybe everything would be better if people just stopped giving so much of a shit about everything. then we might realize that there really isn't all that much to give a shit about. at which point we would realize all the shit to give a fuck about.

do you think you're better off alone?

2005-03-14T04:45:00.000-06:00

its two in the morning and i'm still up listening to some old school techno that i like to call "early 90s dance music." its the stuff we listened to while roller skating in places like ron-a-roll and tried to breakdance or dance cooly to during high school dances. if only i could get through this. i'm gonna get through this. i gotta take my mind off of you. sometimes when i type and listen to music at the same time, i will break out into a "freestyle" typing frenzy of the song's lyrics amidst whatever it is that i happen to be typing about. give me just a second and i'll be alright. and by one second, i mean a lifetime. ecstacy is awesome.

before i went to sleep last night at around 4:30 a.m., i came up with a quote. right before i lied down in bed, i considered writing it down but thought, dude, there is no way you will forget this - it makes a lot of sense and is quite true. twenty hours later i was sitting in the library and remembered my quote but forgot what all the words were. it took me a few minutes to recover it from my weary mind, but then i got it.

"there's no point in thinking about the possibility of everything if you're never going to believe in the possibility of anything."

lol, i feel like a tool now, like i'm a teenage girl posting a girly quote like "life isn't about love, its about having friends you love to have fun with!" on my aim profile, or better yet, an even more awesome e-communication device like livejournal!

but i'm not a tool. i'm cool. and i'm currently at school, wearing a sweater that is eight percent wool. LOL. ttyl

another day

2005-03-13T05:25:00.000-06:00

man oh man, walking in memphis never gets old. that shit is dope yo. just what i needed tonight. and by tonight, i mean 3:30 in the morning of the day following "tonight."